Author Topic: Being a good Christian? o.O (Read 19983 times)

Cashino · « **on:** March 04, 2007, 05:44:35 pm »

Was mindlessly browsing wikipedia till I found this

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g246/Cashino/Letgodmasturbate.jpg

Being a good Christian? o.O

Ellendesu · « **Reply #1 on:** March 04, 2007, 10:23:01 pm »

FUCKING LOL!!!

bfg00 · « **Reply #2 on:** March 05, 2007, 08:48:29 pm »

Sacrilicious.

MMX · « **Reply #3 on:** March 05, 2007, 08:51:41 pm »

Wait, isn't masturbation bad? What? Only God's allowed to do it, and for Him, we should encourage it?

HYPOCRITE!~

Shane · « **Reply #4 on:** May 12, 2007, 02:20:23 am »

Intense. So what happens if you kill a kitten while masturbating?

santiO · « **Reply #5 on:** May 12, 2007, 06:58:57 pm »

Alright, a few days ago, a friend of mine gave me this "List of Sins" he got from an evangelist friend of his... who wasn't his friend anymore after this. It's not the complete lists, just the newest ones. Know it: if you do any of these things, you're going to hell.

-Acupunture (Yeah, stickin' needles in some guy's ear, that's real diabolic stuff)
-Alcohol (No shit!)
-Astrology (No shit!)
-Martial Arts (No sh-- Wait a minute... MARTIAL ARTS?)
-Divination (Frankly, I'm doing divination right now: I'm going to hell for sure!)
-Self Compassion (So you can't even be sorry for yourself for being a sinner? Damn!)
-Bestialism (Let's face it, we all saw that one coming)
-Blasphemy (That one also)
-Getting Drunk (And that one was kinda covered by "Alcohol", six sins above)
-Witchcraft (Hey guys, start getting original, will ya?)
-Mocking (That's what I'm talking 'bout! It doesn't say what to mock, it just says "Mockery"... Mocking is a sin...)
-Caffein (That's right. Caffein... a Sin... a big, smelly, SIN)
-Jealousy (After caffein, believe me, nothing can surprise me now)
-Gossiping (Okey... maybe something...)
-Criticism (Wait, Criticisim? So... Siskel & Ebert are going to hell? Meet you there, guys!)
-Distrust (Y'know, some of these are too obvious...)
-Doubt (Right, like in "I doubt there is a hell!")
-Spiritism ("No talking to no dead suckers while the Lord's watching, boy!")

And now, here come four of the best, one after the other. The four that completely ruined any chances of me getting into heaven...

-Exhibitionism ("Do or Watch?" "Do." "Ohh... the yes, see you in hell")
-Sexual Fantasy (No comments...)
-Fetichisim (I'm sorry, but the choice between playing Rumble Roses and going to Heaven, ain't no choice at all)
-Fornication (And that's the last nail on my "Straight to Hell" labelled coffin)

And for some more wackiness...

-Hypnosis ("'Cause brain washing is the true Christian Method!!")
-Hypocrisy ("That's our turf, sinner!")
-Homosexuality (Noooo, really?!)
-Insinuation (Forget about getting a girl. God'll set you up!)
-Card-reading (Pretty much covered by the "Divination" stuff up there...)
-Hand-reading (See above)
-Lesbianism (.................................................................... No-Fucking-Comments...............)
-Levitation (What?! Levitation?!?! What's that supposed to mean?! I mean, how many levitators do YOU know?!)
-White Magic (So there's no such thing as a "Holy" element, then?)
-Black Magic (Kind of obvious, with the whole "Universal Balance" thing. No white magic=No black magic)
-Cursing (Once again, Cursing Who?! God? Bush? Your mum? Who?)
-Masturbation (*Fap fap fap fap* Oh... Oh, God... I'm... ehh... I'm... Oh, what the Hell! *fap fap fap fap FAAAAP!!!*)
-Meditation (Meaning "No, you can't talk to God. Only WE can talk to God. Forget about it, sinner!)
-Morbidity (That's right, no more tentacle hentai for you... as a matter of fact, no more hentai for you, period!)
-Mundane Music (Be specific, God! What is mundane music? Judas Priest? Good Charlotte? Green Day? Richard Cheese?)
-Necrophilia (Fuck you! And your mother's corpse too! And your grandma's!)
-Nicotine (Ohh, good to see God cares about our health...)
-Ouija (I'm actually with God on this one. Nothing good can come from something with such a sucky, lame name...)
-Extrasensory Perception (Once again, how many guys you know have this? Don't matter, 'cause they all sinners!)
-Pornography (Man, one would think they made this list based on my life!)
-Prostitution (Except on Nevada and a few other places... God's cool with them)
-Fear (I'm not kiddin' you... Fear is on the list... as in "I don't fear no Hell!"? Christians, you're diggin' yer own graves)
-Vanity (Again, quite obvious)

And, finally, we have the best Sin ever!

-Others.

I'm not foolin' you here, guys. There's actually a spot... There are actually SIX spots... which say "Others" and have a dotted line where you can write in your own sins... I have six of my own...

-Letting some assholes with grandiose deliriums tell you what to do.
-See above.
-See above.
-See above.
-See above.
-Eating light jello.

YunaChou · « **Reply #6 on:** May 12, 2007, 10:33:12 pm »

Of course D;

Bring on the Virgins! *Gets strap on*

Shane · « **Reply #7 on:** May 13, 2007, 01:37:17 am »

Oh, no! I'm going to Evangelist Hell! ;_;

Cashino · « **Reply #8 on:** May 13, 2007, 02:06:57 pm »

Wow, Heaven must be some lonely place.

Funny thing this: there's nothing in it that condemns polygamists, though that probably falls under sexual fantasy or fornification or something like that, but still, you'd think they'd put that down.

My six just to fuck with the human race and everything else:

[can't rule out sex entirely, since need that for humans to survive...maybe, cause cloning is an option]

Marriage (can't get married, so everyone that has children are sinners [see fornificate])

Going to church (because worshiping objects is NOT the same as real faith in religion; in my eyes, anyhow)

Not being perfect (because faults are a sin)

Hypocrasy (just cause I want to screw with the priests' chances into getting to heaven)

Oogling (obvious)

Breathing (cause you're taking away the needs of others for your own)

MMX · « **Reply #9 on:** May 15, 2007, 08:29:50 pm »

Polygamy is great.

YunaChou · « **Reply #10 on:** May 15, 2007, 09:21:37 pm »

Quote from: Bang Doll on May 15, 2007, 08:29:50 pm

Polygamy is great.

Yeah...cuz if you cant please one woman...you can piss off another =D

Claver · « **Reply #11 on:** May 23, 2007, 07:43:30 pm »

How interesting. At first i thought this was a serious religious discussion. Now that I've read the list of "sins," I see that it's another one of those funny chain-mail types of things.

Your evangelist friend is about as Christian as Cheese is protein.

santiO · « **Reply #12 on:** May 24, 2007, 02:08:48 pm »

I don't know. I really, really, don't know.
And remember, he wasn't my evangelist friend. I got his leaflet (That's right, this came in a leaflet, NOT in a chain-mail) through another friend of mine.
And, no insulting intended, but did you really expect a serious religious discussion on this forum? We can't even have a serious discussion about an issue as serious as "Pancake vs. Waffle" and you're expecting us to take a religion which considers Martial Arts and Caffein as sins?

bfg00 · « **Reply #13 on:** May 24, 2007, 04:19:13 pm »

"I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." -Linus-

Shane · « **Reply #14 on:** May 25, 2007, 01:51:45 am »

Start a serious religious topic? As a matter of fact, I will. Just to see how long it would actually be active.

MMX · « **Reply #15 on:** May 25, 2007, 02:12:57 am »

Didn't we already do that serious religious topic on this board a few months back? Maybe I'm getting my forums confused.

Claver · « **Reply #16 on:** June 04, 2007, 10:17:00 pm »

Quote from: santiO on May 24, 2007, 02:08:48 pm

no insulting intended, but did you really expect a serious religious discussion on this forum? We can't even have a serious discussion about an issue as serious as "Pancake vs. Waffle" and you're expecting us to take a religion which considers Martial Arts and Caffein as sins?

No offense taken. I once found a serious discussion on relationships on this forum, so a rare serious religious conversation might not be too improbable.

As for the Martial Arts and Caffiene being sins, those people are crazy. Any other Christian will tell you that these things aren't sinful at all, but can (and should) be enjoyed. So go take classes and drink some Pepsi or something. lol

YunaChou · « **Reply #17 on:** June 04, 2007, 10:37:22 pm »

I would say Claver, thats how some christans view it. But thanks to the gift of interpriation, people can view the bible as layed back and as strict as they want it :<

MMX · « **Reply #18 on:** June 05, 2007, 04:59:21 pm »

Quote from: Claver on June 04, 2007, 10:17:00 pm

Any other Christian will tell you that these things aren't sinful at all,

It's not as uncommon as you think. After all, it's a religion. And therefore, for faith it is required that you believe in your chosen doctrine without fail. In those subsets of religion where martial arts or caffeine are sinful, then all religious followers of that particular sect must also believe so. And you might be surprised what some of the more popular religions decree to be righteous or not-so-righteous.

Cashino · « **Reply #19 on:** June 05, 2007, 05:37:01 pm »

Quote from: Bang Doll on June 05, 2007, 04:59:21 pm

It's not as uncommon as you think. After all, it's a religion. And therefore, for faith it is required that you believe in your chosen doctrine without fail. In those subsets of religion where martial arts or caffeine are sinful, then all religious followers of that particular sect must also believe so. And you might be surprised what some of the more popular religions decree to be righteous or not-so-righteous.

Yup...which is why we have such insane controversies over stuff like abortion, stem cells, and practically all things bio-engineering in general.

News:

Author Topic: Being a good Christian? o.O (Read 19983 times)